Hakuna Matata
by ImplicationsProblematic
Summary: The non-human members of the Normandy's crew have not seen The Lion King. Shepard sets out to rectify this. Obviously it's ridiculous. I don't even have an excuse. Quick, get it out into the internet and out of my head.


A bullet screamed past Shepard's ear, far too close for comfort- especially since it was fired by Tali.

"HEY!" she yelled. "You wanna aim for the geth instead of me, Zorah?"

"Sorry Shep!" Tali winced, with genuine concern. "I slipped."

"Hakuna Matata," Shepard shouted over the gunfire, popping her thermal clip and blasting a few more shots over the crate she was using as cover.

"What?" yelled Garrus as he took out a pyro with a clean headshot.

"Hakuna Matata!" The Commander repeated, still firing.

Garrus and Tali exchanged looks.

"She's finally lost it." Cried Tali, sending her drone towards a Prime.

"Strain of the job" agreed Garrus.

"You know," she shouted. "_The Lion King._"

"The what?" Shepard's squad yelled in unison. She froze and turned incredulously to them, apparently oblivious to the enemy fire surrounding her.

"Get down Shep!" Tali cried.

"You've never seen _The Lion King?!_"

"The what?"

"T_HE. LION. KING._"

"Uh, no…" shouted Garrus.

"RIGHT." Shepard screamed. "Take these bastards out and get back to the ship."

"Oh no," said Tali, anticipating what was coming.

"MOVIE NIGHT."

"Shit." Moaned Garrus.

—

"Alright move over so I can sit by K," Shepard gestured for Tali to shuffle along the sofa.

"Aw, cute," Traynor cooed as the Commander leant into Kaidan who put his arm around her.

"That's one word for it," Joker said snarkily, reaching for the popcorn. "Are we watching this thing or what?"

"Begin the movie Glyph," said Liara, settling between Steve and EDI.

"Yes Doctor T'Soni,"

"This is so exciting," said Traynor.

"Ssssh! It's starting."

—

"Shepard you said all the characters were real Earth creatures," Garrus said exasperatedly.

"They are!"

"No way is that thing a real animal." He pointed a talon at the screen.

"They're called giraffes." Kaidan laughed.

"Why are their necks like that?" asked Tali, dumbfounded.

"Well," Dr Chakwas piped up, "That question was actually the inspiration for a rather influential prototype of evolutionary theory-"

"No science on movie night." interrupted Vega. "I refuse to learn in my free time."

"And the things with the ears?" asked Tali.

"Elephants."

"Earth wildlife is strange…" she muttered before she was interrupted by Javik.

"Quiet! I cannot hear what the thing you call Mufassa is saying."

—

"I didn't realise there would be so much singing." Garrus groaned. Beside him, Tali was already humming along to_ 'I just can't wait to be King'_ and tapping her foot. He rolled his eyes, but smiled, grateful that they were at least watching something other than _'Fleet and Flotilla'_.

"Oh no!" cried Traynor suddenly, "I've just remembered what's going to happen to-"

"SPOILERS." Shouted Shepard. "Somebody gag the Specialist."

—

"Shepard this vid is horrible," Tali sniffed as, on screen, Simba ran from his home.

"And this was intended for _children_?" asked Liara.

"I know, I know." Shepard was teary too, her head on Kaidan's shoulder.

"Give it time Tali," The major reassured her. "You'll see."

—

"HAKUNA MATATA" sang Shepard (badly) at the top of her voice.

"WHAT A WONDERFUL PHRASE!" continued Traynor.

"HAKUNA MATATA" Shepard repeated grinning at Kaidan and then pointing. He rolled his eyes, but played along.

"Ain't no passing craze," he mumbled. Next came Cortez in a fine tenor.

"IT MEANS NO WORRIES!"

"FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS." Sang Shepard, Traynor, Cortez and- to their great surprise- Joker together.

"IT'S OUR PROBLEM FREE" Now Kaidan and James had both fully given in. "PHILOSOPHY! HAKUNA MATATA!"

Liara, Garrus, and Tali were laughing at their human crewmates' sudden performance. Javik stared around him incredulously and muttered something about 'ridiculous primitives'. As was so often the case, EDI seemed to be observing them for later analysis, but she was smiling, her silver fingers laced in Joker's.

The Normandy's crew had more reasons to panic than they'd ever be able to list; more reasons to be afraid, to cry, to give up. But for a little while, in that moment, they truly did have no worries.


End file.
